My Love for Scott Pushed Me to Healing

What do I know about healing from the death of my beloved only child Scott?

Did death teach me about healing?

Can I share with you…and hope to help you see more?

I didn’t have a guide book for healing…and I know you don’t have one either…

Even IF there was a guide book for healing…it wouldn’t work for all of us… We’re all so different. Our children and loved ones died in all different ways… Our history is different… Our life plan/soul plan is unique.

There is no magic cure.

So how did I get to a place of healing?

I never thought I could…would…wanted to…

My son Scott died in 1994. Yes, that’s a long time ago… I should be healed by now! Heck, society thought I should have done it by year two. Others gave me a little more time…

We…the grieving…know it takes a long time. It takes time to even begin to see a future…

But I can honestly tell you…my healing came.

It was work. It was hell. I was angry and stubborn…and heartsick.

But it was a time of growth and lessons and what I needed…

It was also filled with new friends…and new insights…a new belief system…and love. Yes, love.

Scott’s love… My love.

How has Scott’s love helped my healing?

I knew he was a courageous kid. He worked hard and lived life knowing there is goodness and honor and love. Even when a seizure disorder came out of no where when he was fifteen…he persevered. No drivers license because of this for awhile. No stomping feet and feeling sorry for himself…he had fabulous friends who took him anywhere he needed to go. But his freedom was not yet on the horizon.

He faced life with a knowing he could do it. His mantra was…Just Do It…or better yet because our last name was Jessie… Jess Do It ! And he did.

In his senior year as co-captain of the soccer team Scott started out on the bench with a broken ankle….so disappointing, yet there he was with crutches and his big smile encouraging his team to get out there! I was so proud of him…and his ability to see where he was needed.

And unbelievably, almost as soon as he was healed and back on the field…a player on an opposing team suddenly and recklessly punched Scott in the mouth! My heart literally sank as I saw him on the ground with his teammates and coaches hovering over him. Such pain… and WHY?

His beautiful front teeth were this way and that way…and thank God…one of the dad’s was a dentist. We rushed him to the office… Incredible pain.

So…he got a mouth piece…and yes, he was back on the soccer field four days later. The dentist said he could play. My head…said…no, no, no! My heart said…he wants this

Scott was my teacher then too.

Did I love love something so much that I would go after it? Would I suffer and fight my way back only to be punched in the face?

I hadn’t ever had to work so hard and feel so much pain…to come back from Scott’s sudden death at only nineteen. He had been sick only a few days…a thousand miles away from home…and yet life and death came to that place.

He wasgone.

How have I done it? Just do it ? That I found was hard…too hard…beyond hard. Nearly impossible…

And yet…healing did come…

I see now that I never gave up. I wanted to. I wanted death to take me too. It didn’t…

It wasn’t meant to be… I know that now…

My journey through grief…into healing…was something that I cannot see clearly from year to year… I just know I kept trying… Just like you?

I knew Scott would not want me to give up.

I searched for him…to understand life and death…and to somehow face my new reality…

The answers were few and far between… That kept me searching.

I wasn’t hearing Scott then…like I do now. I was on my own…in that darkness and light… Never really grasping it all… Through learning and reading and experiencing and the signs and messages…dreams…I knew there was more… Somehow…

I can tell you that now as I look back…I see the many, many, many steps I took to find peace…healing…greater understanding. It is a journey of unbelievable magnitude

What can Scott and I share now to help you?

That life and death came…

Life does not guarantee we will not have to suffer like this… In a way…we know when we take the chance of bringing a new life into this world or we marry…that anything can happen.

…but we will never be ready…

Love has taught me to honor Scott…by surviving.  One step at a time. Yes…that is how I did it.  No magic pill… No magic words other than “I will honor your life Scott… I always will.”

A mom I know only through Facebook wrote the other day, “I will not allow any circumstances to ever change my son’s name (ARI) to…grief.”

And she added… “I am awesome at loving ARI”.  Her name is Sara too.

I find that to be so beautiful…so telling of a mom’s love and determination to keep her love as the priority…to not let the life experience she is suffering with to overshadow her child’s place on this earth.

I never said those words… (Thank you Sara W.) but I know I took that path too… There is gratitude in this. It says…thank you for coming…for showing me who I could be…what I can do…and for making my life richer…

To Scott I add… “Your life changed me…and as I am changing once again…I will find ways to share you with others and I will honor you with my joinery.”

(Nearly every time I try to type the word “journey” it comes up as joinery! I don’t even know if that is a word! …But think about it.  Join-ery.  I know Scott makes that happen as I type! We are one.  Joined.  We work together to heal me and to show me more…so we can help others find their way out of that dark tunnel and into meaning…)

Scott shares with us

When Mom/Sara writes that MY love essentially healed her broken heart…consider this…

Love is truly what you will remember the most. Work through the pain as you can…knowing that forgiveness and regret and compassion and all the many emotions of grief need to be acknowledged to take you closer to that feeling of healing…

As Scott/Spirit, I can assure you that your loved ones are aware of all you go through each day. WE do not step in to ease that pain…because the path into healing must be yours. Each and every spiritual being in a human body (you) must walk the path that was planned before you were born. Go beyond what you’ve known and trust the love you’ve shared.

Can you be inspired by those who have come to a place of peace…and greater knowing? They too had to realize at some point that their love is the reason they moved into a place of healing. Foundations and 5K runs in memory of loved ones, Relay for Life, MADD, and so many other amazing ways families, parents, and friends have come together to do heartfelt charitable work…in honor of their loved ones…heals.

Just Do It ? It comes when you are ready and when you are more aware of what can help yourself.  If you’re reading our blog…you are searching… What can help you today? Do a random act of kindness…pay it forward and see that love feels good…even in this most difficult time of your life.

One day at a time…

Sara and Scott

Showing 12 comments
  • Rose knoblauch

    I do not know how your blog is now regularly in my email, do not recall subscribing but I feel blessed to have it.
    Reading your words is reading my own thoughts, I also lost my only son Scott 1974-2002.
    Thank you and I embrace you.

    • Sara Ruble

      Well Rose, I am not sure how that happened either! Thank you for staying…and reading. I know there are no coincidences… I hope Scott and I can continue to bring you new insights and helpful words. My Scott…your Scott? I know they are both working to guide us and will always love us.
      xoxo Sara

  • Grace

    So well said

    • Sara Ruble

      Thank you Grace. Simple words can say so much…
      xoxo Sara

  • Linda Recht

    Joinery! I love that word and concept. Thank you for sharing more about Scott’s indomitable spirit as he faced seizures, a broken ankle, a punch in the mouth and just kept doing what was important to him. The more you share about him, the more I love him (and you).

    • Sara Ruble

      Yes Linda…isn’t joinery an amazing word? I kept getting it and kept deleting it…until…I got it! I see now that’s how Spirit teaches us…they are persistent when the lesson or message must come through.
      Scott showed me strength and determination that amazed me… If we all can look beyond our grief to the experiences we shared with our loved ones…there is strength there too… I’m certain.
      Thank you Linda… xoxoxo

  • Alice Bailey

    Thank you Sara for all you shared in this blog. What an amazing young man, your Scott.

    His heavenly birthday came about six weeks after the birth of our Liz; before any of us knew Becky and her family would live in Stow, OH. Just as surely, tho, I do know that Stow, OH was in God’s Plan for them.

    Thank you for your friendship, your support, your work, for being Scott’s Mom.

    Much love

    • Sara Ruble

      I see more and more every day Alice, that my life/soul plan is taking me where I need to be and brought me what I’ve needed to learn… Thank you for being you, Alice, and as Becky’s mom…you know how much we love and miss her. I would not have known you if hadn’t been for Becky… Life is filled with beauty too…
      Love, Sara

  • Hiedeh

    Your words today hit the spot for me. Ever since I lost my daughter, I have been on a mission to find her. I will trust that my love for her will make it possible for me to feel her presence around me someday. I am going to pay it forward today. Kisses

    • Sara Ruble

      Dear Hiedeh… It is my deepest hope that Scott and I can help you and others take something in and trust in a new way that love IS forever…even when we cannot see it or feel in as before. Thank you so much for reaffirming that… And for paying it forward. I’ve learned that if we can begin to trust in more…we find more along the way… xoxo Sara

  • Audrey

    “I will not allow any circumstances to ever change my son’s name to grief.” Powerful words for sure. That one goes in my journal. Thank you Sara for all your words!
    Love, Audrey

    • Sara Ruble

      I so agree with you Audrey with that mom’s passionate words. It is deeply thought provoking enough to take in and say…can I look at my grief in new ways? Can I find a new language of sorts to help me on this journey that confuses me so? Because the journey we travel is really truly about LOVE and I see that so clearly now…and you will too… xoxo Sara

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