It’s really LOVE that connects us…
When life and death collided in my life…I had no idea who I was or where I was headed.
Mass confusion… Who can ever know what or who we will become in the the throes of death…
So much mystery…so much pain…and still having a life to…live.
After a month at home I went back to work… I really didn’t know what I should do or could do…or couldn’t do…so I cautiously moved back into the world. As I shared earlier, I was sales rep for Maybelline Cosmetics.
While I was doing my job…I was there…but I was not there. I know you know what I mean.
I went from account to account…selling displays and setting them up and ordering the products needed… I tried to look the part…and most often no one had any idea of what was going on inside of me…
Yes…I was in a fog… And everything took me much longer than it ever had before… I was trying to be responsible…and I guess that I just had to experience being with others out there…
Unknowingly…I became an observer of other mothers and some dads and watched them interact with their children…
Oh God…everything broke my heart…
Could anyone even imagine my heart? It was just not broken…it was shattered…
My life could never be the same…
Where did I go from there? …To where I am today?
It’s now been twenty years since Scott died.
It didn’t take me twenty years to get here though… To this place of knowing Scott is fine… With God in Spirit…
And ultimately I know that was one of my deepest concerns… Where are you sweetheart?? Where are you? What are you doing? Can you see me? Are you helping others? Can you help me??
And the other huge concern…and enormous fear… How can I do this!! How do I go through life?… Without you?
Life…and death…pulled me in a million directions…
Pain…chaos…questions…hurt…confusion… All deeper and more ravaging than anything I had ever been through…
But also love…and my family and friends so concerned…
I’ve shared I went willingly to counseling…and sought out support with other moms and dads…
My husband Jay is not Scott’s dad… Loving…but he did not need what I did… I went alone…
No Facebook then… I read the few books that were available…
Today grief has come to the forefront in many, many new ways in our society… So much was needed and much has come to help us.
But even with this and that and whatever I could find to help me, guide me… It was Scott who showed me he still existed… And as I’ve shared there were not tons of signs…but enough to show me he was there…somehow.
How do any of us make it?
We’re all different…and yet alike…
My journey of twenty years showed me I could make it…and my friends…bereaved too…made it.
How?
We could not give up…
Our children’s memories… We are their caretakers…
We can be their voice in helping others…their friends and our families… and SO many more…
Teaching others that life brought our children to us…for what ever amount of time…but death could not take them completely away from us…
No…
We would not let that happen…
Every child is too precious to be forgotten…too important… There are no words to describe how cherished…missed…loved…
As Scott Spirit shares… With me and you too…
WE in Spirit…WE know your journey…and your pain…your immense love for us… And yes…that our connection appears to you to be broken…
But WE urge you to consider this… WE came to earth to be with you…for everything that came. Everything…
Because WE left…does not mean our love left…
Oh no… Our Love continues forever!
Our spiritual journeys are needed… Our existence in Spirit, Heaven, the Other Side is bigger than you can know or even imagine. WE work within you and often you are made aware of this…through Our communication…
WE are growing you spiritually… Oh yes…
The love that flows from Sara to Scott…and Scott to Mom/Sara is just like yours.
Unconditional love…
Was it conditional at times in life? It may have felt that way…
Not any more…
Pure unconditional love now is streaming through you from Us, your children and loved ones in Spirit…Heaven.
Do you need proof? Do you need to see it? Can you feel it? Or can you trust…that his love… her love…my love…so pure…is never to be broken or changed?
You made that spiritual commitment to love me before I was born… We made that commitment to one another before we were born…
Commitments made before birth…to love one another… are forever… Through death even…
There might not always be proof…but your knowing this…and taking it in…trusting in more…can change your grief…
Love never dies… The life cycle moves us in and out of life into death…
One constant always…is LOVE remains.
Will you ever fall out of love with me?
Death teaches you this… No, not ever…
And I will never fall out of love with you either… Not ever… 🙂
Love, love, love,
Sara and Scott
xox
So well said as I continue to journey through life after the sudden death of my 46 year old son in 2009.
I’m happy to know you feel that Patricia. Love is ever continuing and I needed to find that out as grief enveloped me too. Trusting in what we cannot always see allows us to take more in on this journey of the heart and soul. xox
Oh my dear Sara,
Such pain you have lived through and such love you and Scott still share! And now you are bringing love and comfort to others. Love does connect us all.
Love you!
Thank you my dear friend Linda. It really does come down to love. All the pain and missing and anger or regret, guilt, forgiveness… When I knew Scott’s love was even bigger than before…truly spiritual unconditional love…I began to look through his eyes and see a bigger love too.
Love you.
I will admit that I had a tough time reading the lines towards the bottom of the page with all of the tears welling up in my eyes… but oh how I needed to “hear” those words today… somehow on another level, I have already known everything that Scott shared, but sometimes it is just SO good to be reminded of the “greater picture”… and my tears welled up out of gratitude…
And though I am comforted by the knowing, that my son is right here with me, I still so miss his voice and his beautiful smile and those sweet, sweet hugs… yes, I have the precious memory of them and can imagine them still.. but I just miss that beautiful human body that I knew as “Christopher”…
..but it is, as it is, so I will continue to focus on the gratefulness that I feel for all of the many blessings and the growth and above all, the never-ending love that always surrounds me!
and love, love, love back to you!!
Dear K… Your words are so heart filled, heart breaking, and I understand… The missing of all that was real. What do we do with all that? Somehow, as I worked on the grief and held tightly to the knowing that miraculously Scott was still around, I just kept going each day searching for what ever might inspire me or help me or keep me going one more day. Trust each day and what it brings. Tears …yes…the tears will flow. And you know gratefulness…so very important. Thank you for sharing K.
Sending you love… Sara
Thank you, Sara, I really needed this today. Missing my son so much, it’s hard to believe it’s almost been 3 years. You are truly an inspiration.
As Scott and I write it is our hope that we can bring an insight or anything to you that can help Dawn. Three years is not a long time on this journey through grief…even though it may seem like forever. “Missing” is that piece that reminded me not only how much I missed Scott…but how much I love him. A part of our heart…forever…and cannot be healed quickly… Thank you for writing…
Love.