What I’ve learned about planning our lives together…
In the ways I have brought you Scott before…Have I told you that I now know we were meant to have this lifetime together ?… We planned it…before…we were born…
…and the writing of this blog was also meant to be… Maybe like Billy Fingers and his sister Annie Kagan…in the eye opening book The Afterlife of Billy Fingers.
I will always remember the moment when I was told that Scott had chosen me to be his mother… Chosen me to be his mother…
Oh wow… Writing that even now makes my heart skip a beat!
Those profound words were the most beautiful, impactful words I could have ever heard… Scott chose me…
I did not understand all that that meant… But it told me…he needed to be with me in this lifetime… And me in his…
Could I have ever known this before Scott died? I guess not…because I surely did not…
But at the lowest points in my grief…I had to remember… WE had to be together…for everything that was to be…
It helped me to hang on…and to trust there is meaning here I don’t totally understand…
It took me time and more searching and efforts that were not always telling me more…to get to the place where I see… Our lives are planned before we are born…
It wasn’t meant to be easy…to understand… It was such new information…so important…too important to ever forget…
The grief work and the stalling and the unknowns…they all had to enter into my grief journey too…
To push me into this knowing that Scott and I came into this life to be together…and for his life to be shorter than I could ever have imagined…
And you must be asking…like I have… I agreed to this??
Yes…
Because I cannot imagine not having Scott in my life…or being his mom…after carrying him for nine months and so desperately wanting him… Loving him so much before he was even born…and then nineteen incredible years…
I agreed to motherhood…risks and all… And he came to me…
That IS love…and trusting in something so unknown…yet so wanted…
I was already so in love with him…
What have I done with this knowing…clearly a spiritual knowing ?
…I have accepted that life and death are far more than our human minds have known…
And Scott’s death pushed me…nearly killed me to find out why he was gone…and why I was still here…
Our journey was not over…when Scott left…died.
Only I had not known that…for quite some time…
Again… I wasn’t meant to…
It’s more clear to me now…because Scott shares with me…what we can share with you now…
As Scott…
When I left this earth, left my body…I became aware immediately of what was going on with my life/soul plan with my mom/Sara…because I was now in Heaven…Spirit…with God…
We see it all…so clearly…
When in the human body there are many limitations… Meant to be…
In Spirit/Heaven…we see the purpose of our lives…of our family’s lives… and the bigger plan for all…
So yes…my mom and I planned this life together before we were born. And as we wrote earlier…nothing is random…
There IS a plan for everyone… For you… Your loved ones…
WHY is it all so mysterious? Because life is a place of learning… Earth is that place of learning and experiencing…of discovering…
Love, pain, grief, joy, hope, the new, the old…it all teaches us while we are here on earth…
The deaths of your children and loved ones who are so greatly missed push you into new ways of looking at life…and death…
And what you are promised…or never promised…when you love so deeply…
There are no road maps for life that express a life being taken so young or so violently or that disease comes into a healthy body and takes over…
There are no promises…that can ease your minds…
But…
We love one another…and we will ever regret that…?
Can the immense pain show you that you will work harder than you’ve ever had…to try and understand this death?
Yes…
A planned life with my mom…the promise we made before I was born…was done in great love…with great love…and with the knowing that within this lifetime…all our experiences would have meaning… There would be the ability to connect…and to help others see more too…
Through signs and messages…through dreams… And in more ways than anyone could ever conceive…
But the greatest connection…is always going to be the LOVE.
Did Mom know any of this when I died…or even a few years after?
No…
Would it have helped her? Of course…
It wasn’t mean to be…then…
We, in Heaven, Spirit, feel your love…as we expressed in last week’s blog…
Our love is ever present too…
We see your pain…and know it would come with our deaths…
And that the pain…would push you…as it has Sara to regain her footing…in this new reality…
When Mom was told that she and I had planned our lives together…before I was born…it helped to ground her in a new way…
She was constantly working on her grief… BUT this was the piece that said to her…death is not all I thought it was… Nor is the finality of it…
We have a plan.
“Why would I plan a life with Scott that was so much shorter than it should be!?” She had to ask…
The promise to be together…
That’s why…
Scott and Sara are still together… We…
Our love endures…exists…just as yours does with your children and loved ones…
We’ll explain more next Monday… xox
Beautiful Sara. He surely did choose you!
I had a converstaion with my 21 year old son, Kraig, about 2 months before he passed.
He was asking why he was going through all the (medical and emotional) issues that he was. What was the reason for it?
I told him I did not know…but that I believed we chose this life…and that he chose me and his dad to be his parents.
I had come to a conclusion (at age 48 and not ever knowing) that my purpose was to take care of him…and I told him that.
But I also made him promise that when I got old, he would be the one to take care of me.
We also had a discussion on how I would send him a sign when it was my time to go.
I think it helped him a bit…
Two months later I lost him.
I am so grateful we had that discussion…
BTW he sends me signs ALL the time…so much so, I am going to be writing a book about it!
And one of the signs he started sending was hearts…which is what I said I would send him.
Love truly never ends.
Hugs,
~donna
What an amazing life experience you are having with Kraig Donna… Oh my, such a connection. Having the conversation you had with him…and never really knowing what could come assures us that life is about learning and seeing MORE in what does happen. Thank you so much for sharing… Good luck with your book! xox
This blog is bringing such comfort and understanding to me. Thank you Sara and Scott. Love you.
Thank you Linda… I too have learned that stretching my thinking and looking at the possibilities opens me up to greater comfort and understanding. Our journeys have created that in us, haven’t they? There is so much to learn… Love you too.
Dear Sara and Scott,
Thank you so much for your wonderful blog. I always look forward to your blog every week as I feel it allows me to feel closer to my mom who is in spirit. Your blog is guiding me through one of the most difficult journeys on this Earth. Thank you.
I’m so happy to read this Carolina. That is our hope… To teach and reassure you and others that death is not as final as we once thought. Even though the communication or their presence is not always there for us to hear or feel…their spirits are always with us. We begin to look for more, listen in new ways…and see that which we might have missed before. Love IS forever. xox
I really understand this entry, Sara. Mandy had a difficult 35 years with mental illness. I took care of her everyday of her life. In the last years of her life she often said to me, “Mom you were meant to be my mother. You are the right mother for me.” I sort of believed it and sort of understood why she was saying it, but after she died I wasn’t so sure, after all there had been all the mistakes, all the things I might have done differently. Now, almost 4 years later I not only believe it, I do understand it. Sorting through this portion of our lives together has been and continues to be part of my learning while on this journey. Thank you so much for sharing this blog. I’ve been delayed in the kind of writing I know I’m intended to do and feel the stirring of motivation as I read… Betsy
Being able to see more clearly Betsy, helps us begin to sort out that which seemed so impossible earlier. It takes time and effort to get there. Thank you for sharing… I’m glad you are feeling something new. We never know where that stirring can take us… Remember…it’s all about love no matter what. xox