What Can Death Teach Us…When We Really Don’t Want to Learn?

The love and commitment I have always had for my beloved Scott could never be questioned. Not when he was here in his body…or for the last twenty-one years…since he “left”.

He has shown me that his love and commitment for me is as true as ever.  And now…spiritually…much more knowing and powerful than I could have EVER imagined.

Did I worry about this…his love and commitment to me… in the early years of grief and then the middle years of my twenty-one years? Yes…of course!

There are too many unknowns… And my precious most loved only child had seemingly vanished off the face of this earth.

I now know that this lifetime with Scott was intended to be this and much more….going into eternity.

As I share these words…I hope this brings you some peace of mind… We all struggle immensely as we try to find new footing…something to ground us…to allow us to find our child, children, loved ones…and ourselves.

Today as I write I am also preparing my keynote talk for the Bereaved Parents of the USA Gathering to be held in Hartford, Connecticut this weekend. I’m so, so honored to be opening up this conference with these words I share with you today…

“Death Teaches Us In Ways We Never Thought Possible…Even When We Really Don’t Want To Learn…”

My forty minute talk…as I’m fortified with Scott’s words…and my experiences…is Friday morning.

When I was told of Scott’s death…as I wrote in earlier blogs…I felt life instantly drain out of me… Literally.

I was certain I could never be whole again…or even care about anything…with passion.  Nothing  could ever have…the vibrancy, the beauty, the meaning…as it had before.

I know many of you are feeling this too…

And yet I know…some of you are seeing glimmers of the new…of hope…of meaning…

Others are finding greater meaning and continuing connections with their child and loved ones…

Still others have found their ways of reaching out, inspiring, teaching, and growing….

It depends on where you are…

And I was everywhere on the charts of grief…if there are any.

This IS a journey

As I began to see and experience and explore what seemed to ”fit” and resonate within…what could reach into me and light a spark of hope… inspire me…teach me…I slowly felt life flowing through me once again…

New ways to look at life and death and everything in between. It is an enormous and daunting path to travel…

There were those days when I did not care about the future…because the grief was too strong, so overpowering… I had to learn to let those feelings and fears come to the surface…and feel them…work with them…to find myself again.

And yes…it continued to push me and pull me into…something new…

Big new concepts of continuing connections, letting go of old beliefs, and what would help me now.

A life with new knowing…new friendships, new words of inspiration, much needed spiritual beliefs, new purpose, greater trust in the Universe…and embracing the concept of “soul plans” that we unknowingly follow each and every day.

Death Teaches, my friends…even when we don’t really care or think we can’t learn about something so deep, confusing, or mysterious.

The answers do come…and if they don’t…let the questions sit awhile and see what comes next… Spirit makes us wait…until it is time to answer…

The death of Scott…taught me

I could probably list fifty or hundred or more ways death has taught me about life, death, myself…others…about the physical impact of grief, the need to reach out for help, the depth of love, the depth of grief… anger, confusion…that love could come from places I never expected, and that if I reached out to someone…grieving or not…I could nurture that relationship with my experiences and new knowledge… The list goes on…and on. 

I am still learning… I want to understand more about death…

And so as Scott/Spirit shares…

As mom and I work together…going into the deeper aspects of spiritual connections and soul planning and…and…and… We teach her…

To open up the mysterious box of previously unexplained aspects of the Other Side…of the eternal love shared by all in Spirit with our families and friends…sometimes seen and sometimes felt…sometimes not known to the human mind…but still the love is there.

We will talk about this on Friday morning…

Sara/Mom could never have known so many years ago…that her grief journey would take her to places like Hartford, Connecticut to keynote…

But death taught her…and continues to…

Don’t give up…

The pain and the desperation that filled my mom’s heart and life…forced her, pushed her to seek help and new ways to see MORE.

You will too…

With love and knowing…

Sara and Scott


Showing 16 comments
  • Pat

    I also experienced the death of my son at the age of 46. He had lived with chronic pain for years. Became addicted to prescribed pain medications which of course, led to addiction. He had been clean during a week long visit the Christmas prior to his death the following May 2009. Once again, I had hope that he was in recovery. His visit was truly a GIFT and I cherish that time together. He had embraced Buddhism and we both believed in life after the physical death. This knowledge has given me the strength to carry on despite days when that felt impossible. His brother was born with profound handicaps both physically and mentally and predicted to die within hours, weeks, months of his birth. He will be age 50 this August. Earthbound, I have difficulty grasping why the healthier of my two sons did not outlive the unhealthy one. To be revealed in my own next life form.

    • Sara Ruble

      Life is so complex and complicated and hard for us to understand Pat. Where we go in life is part of our plan…and in our human bodies now we cannot imagine planning so many difficult experiences to endure. Yes…to be revealed when it is time… My heart goes out to you… xox Sara

  • Cathy Feltrup

    Dear Sara, Grief is truly a Journey. It’s so hard to find your way through the tears. You feel lost. I feel like I have lost my gut feeling. I know I need more quiet time, to listen, to learn to trust myself again, to understand. Your words give me Hope. To try and trust this Journey. Thank you so much !!! Hugs, Cathy Feltrup (Linda’s friend)

    • Sara Ruble

      Dear, dear Cathy…Grief demands so much of us. One day at a time we move through the confusion and uncertainty of life…and then death creates more than we ever thought possible. I know you will find that which will allow you to feel more grounded and centered…that is a part of the life plan too. You’re doing good things… I know that.

  • Lora Krum

    “Death teaches us in ways we never thought possible…Even when we really don’t want to learn.”
    I just wanted to personally repeat your words, Sara. They say so much.
    There is so much more than I am capable of absorbing at this time, but as you share so honestly with others, you provide a “confidence” …and allow trust to be considered…a trust in what we cannot understand.
    The attendees at the conference in Hartford will be blessed by your message. I know a few who will be there. How I wish I could join them.
    I personally hope to some day reach a point of new discovery, desire, and a future where I will continue to walk through my life along side of my own boys.
    Thank you for continuing to share yours and Scott’s journey.

    • Sara Ruble

      I understand Lora…there is so much to absorb. As we wrote…I could not imagine anything good coming from Scott’s leaving. And I was in that place for quite some time. But life has ways of showing us we are making it…and that we will find ourselves again…different, but wiser…more aware…more caring… I learned I could not fast forward the grief journey…because it is in that time we find our much needed balance. Thank you for writing… xoxo Sara

  • Ingrid Otter

    Love this blog!! You and Scott have explained my feelings so correctly on this journey!! I wish you all the best for your key note address. You will bring comfort and peace to so many!!
    Ricky’s Mom

    • Sara Ruble

      Thank you Ingrid. I so appreciate your words… It is my greatest hope to have our words resonate with our readers… So happy we were able to help you today. xox Sara

  • Linda Recht

    Dear Sara,
    Blessings to you as you travel to Connecticut. I know your keynote address will be exactly what bereaved parents need to hear.
    Love you and Scott.

    • Sara Ruble

      Thank you Linda. I’m looking forward to this new experience. I hope it what what the parents need to hear. I remember sitting at conferences and hoping for anything that could bring me a moment of connection with another’s grief. I did…and I was shown we can help one another tremendously by sharing our pain and our experiences. Now I can give back… xoxo Sara

  • Laura

    Dearest Sara & Scott….. I always hunger for your words of wisdom, of which many are confirmation of my own journey … It has been 8 years since my only son ‘left’ and so I follow in your footsteps, learning and sharing my own truths … reflections of yours. With Infinite love and gratitude to you both. Laura & Alex

    • Sara Ruble

      Dear Laura… Your words mean so much as I know the hard work you have done in these last eight years. I admire your incredible courage and devotion to Alex… Somehow we had to meet…and this is how. Trust the journey will show you more… Nothing is done in vain…Nothing is random… You will see… xoxo Sara

  • Judy Taylor

    Yes … Sara and Scott, So true … Death teaches and takes us on a journey we could never have imagined where love shines through. I love the communication you have developed together. It is wonderful you are taking your message out to the community and sharing your experiences. Jude xoxoxo Author of Mum Moments – Journey Through Grief. ❤️

    • Sara Ruble

      As you are doing as well Judy. Great love flows through you in all your words. Your Mum must know you are helping others…and a proud mum she is. Thanks Judy. xoxo Sara

      • Kay Krizek

        Thank you all for your wonderful words of wisdom and sharing. My dear friend Scotty, lost her son Tucker almost a year ago and I often was at a loss for words to share with her. She sent this to me so I know she has read your comments. I am sure they were helpful for her and contribute to her healing.

        • Sara Ruble

          Thank you Kay for being so receptive to Scotty’s sharing of our blog. As grievers we need a tremendous amount of support and understanding. I’m happy for Scotty that she has you for a friend… xox Sara

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