There must be a plan…

Who can know what life and death will teach us?

Scott was the focus in my life…for nineteen wonderful years…

Nineteen years of love and nurturing and passion in a commitment that said daily…I will take care of you…then…I will let go…a little bit…don’t forget I’m taking care of you still…from a distance…to letting go and letting go…to…I’m not letting you go nowwherever you are

He was a delightful child…who was creative and drew pictures that I thought were way beyond his age…

He could play a whole game of basketball by himself in our driveway…and do the play by play too. So much fun to watch… He was so full of life…

Who is he…I would ask myself… He’s doing things we never showed him…or never had a sibling to watch and grow from… He’s independent …yet has such good friends…

Scott was the child I would have asked for…good and responsible, smart and engaging…athletic and a leader…

How did that happen?

We knew were fortunate…blessed actually…to have this child in our lives…

Our child…my child

How can we ever even guess who our children will be?

We can teach and teach and hope they listen… We can demand more and hope they’ll pay attention…give them opportunities and hope they thrive…

But in truth…we all are in a very mysterious place when we bring a child into our lives… Who will they become?

Whether we understand it or not…

And isn’t marriage or aren’t relationships a mystery too? What will the years with another person teach us? Who will we become?

Yes…life IS a mystery…

And then the mystery becomes full blown…and we are having to live as a parent…without our beloved child…or children…or a sibling or spouse or grandparent…grandchild…friend…

Without knowing or ever seeing them again? …How can we ever be ready for that?

But…isn’t that how life was designed? Life and death have been going on…since the beginning of time…

…How come I still had not yet known how much life and death could teach us…

Why does it continue to be such a mystery??

No matter how perfect or imperfect my life was…I never thought this would be my life today…

But…I see now…Scott’s death…created

More mystery? …Yes.

And no…

Scott came into my life as I had so hoped…a healthy baby… And life began…

Yet I could not have known or ever prepared for… the joy, the love, the life, the heartaches…and all that would come…

Is there a plan?

A life plan…a soul plan?

There must be…

Let’s talk about that…

We’ll be back on Wednesday…

Trust Scott’s words are guiding me…on all of this…

He knows…so much more than I

xox

Showing 5 comments
  • Karen
    Reply

    My son was murdered two years ago I am grabbing at any thing to heal..I will never be me again…He was my heart..

    • Sara Ruble
      Reply

      Dear Karen…I felt the same way about life and who I was. I’m glad you found my blog…and I hope you find some healing here. xox

  • Ginger
    Reply

    Sarah,

    Beautiful words and thoughts coming from your heart .
    Today, as I read you reminded me of the pride I felt raising my children.

    Thank you!

    • Sara Ruble
      Reply

      Dear Ginger…you understand… thank you.

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