The needs of a grieving heart…

When life and death intersect and we are standing in the middle of it…where do we go for answers…help? We are the ones in pain and yet …WE must do the work to understand this tragedy too??

How can we as grievers come to the place of understanding the reality of of our lives…keep going to work, raise our families, maintain a home…and all that goes into being us?

It’s just too much.

And so…we are left to what we have known from before…or what others tell us…or we read or see or…or…or…

We all are SO unique…and in the process of trying to survive …I know I screamed out to God AND Scott… HELP ME!!! …please help me…

My journey was mine… I saw this in time… NO ONE could see inside of me… and know the intensity and insistence of my pain…the craziness…chaos…missing…love

You may see this in you too…

And so I sought out counseling and support groups…which for me was ever so helpful…

But what else brought me what I needed?

Was it time? Can time heal us…and take care of that which we don’t know how to cope with…or have no clue what direction to go?

No…time alone cannot heal us… This is TOO BIG and TOO DEEP to hope time can heal us…

I know I did not sit still in this…grief.

I see how many of you are not sitting still either…

And you have been seeking inspiration and guidance through Facebook and other avenues of support… I find that to be quite amazing in many ways…to see the love and many, many comments that show you are not alone…

I did not have that…twenty years ago…

But regardless of when our grief came…we all need support that teaches us and sometimes pushes us to see more… to grow

[pullquote4 align=”center”]I am moved by the statement… I do not want to waste this experience…[/pullquote4] I am moved by the statement… I do not want to waste this experience

This grief…so overpowering and overwhelming and so much more…will teach us…

I’ve seen this and experienced it myself…
Scott came into my life and showed me who I could be…as a mom…and all that came with this profound word… Mom.

For me…and maybe you too… life shows us that all that comes into our lives teaches us

Did I want to learn from Scott’s death?

NO! I wanted answers and something to HELP me!

But…in working on the grief and EVERYTHING that that created…I did learn…

I learned more about grief and death and life than I could have ever imagined. I had to

I could not push all that information out of the way to get to any peace of mind or understanding of why Scott died…or where he is now…without the process of grief…teaching me.

UGH!! You might cry out… Yes…me too…then.

I’m not an expert in grief…everyone’s grief…but I do know I am able to share what I’ve seen and experienced…all the trials and failed attempts and beautiful moments to get to where I am today…

And the ways that showed me Scott did not just disappear as I once thought…

How can I help you with my experiences?

By telling you this…

I have learned that the love connection I have with Scott and our lives together…no matter how brief it was… is continuing way beyond the years I thought he might stay close to me…with him in heaven and me on earth…

I know that through the signs I’ve shared with you, my dreams, and in other ways. But what Scott tells me…is that even without these connections…we are still connectedforever

Because the life and death creation we all accept… We are born…and we will die… works…until we lose that special being we never thought we could…live without

I wish I had known this earlier in my grief…but I share with you now… The love is forever…because we planned our lives before we are born… So Scott and I HAD to be together in this lifetime. …A life we planned together…in Spirit…before we came to earth.

Some of you may know this already…and some may think…that is way out there… But think about it…

I now know nothing is random… There are no coincidences

Life continues…on the other side/ Heaven… not as I might have thought…but in a way that showed me that Scott…who I grieved so deeply for…was VERY aware of my grief…my needs… and my love for him.

I have seen too much in these almost twenty years since Scott’s death…to question this anymore. He IS here…I can’t see him. But I know others can…and have. His energy is all around me…us.

If you have not had the signs you hear that others have…or it’s been just a short while since your child or loved one died…trust in their time (I must say this again) it does happen…

Having the greatest need to feel that connection forever…

Trusting in life and death…and what it teaches you and shows us…

Can you stretch your thinking…as I HAD to?

I had to give in to the love and let that be the most important part of my connection with Scott…

I can tell you…it will be what remains…forever.

Working through the grief and ALL it brought…also brought many, many profound insights into Scott’s life the meaning he left behind. I have tried to use those many aspects of Scott and my journey…to help make the lives of others richer… Whether through his friends…my family…my friends…in support groups, on Facebook, at conferences… literally countless ways to bring Scott to life

Who I am now has come because Scott is my child…and I am his mother…

His life impacted mine so greatly…and his death too. I could not give up…

We cannot change the fact that …our loved one died… But we can use this time to begin to see more than we’ve ever seen before…

[pullquote4 align=”center”]Trust there is more…and much of it is brilliant and filled with love, guidance, and greater knowing… I don’t want you to miss that part… [/pullquote4] Trust there is more…and much of it is brilliant and filled with love, guidance, and greater knowing… I don’t want you to miss that part

I could not have known it was out there for me…before.

I know you will find your way…too…

Sending love…

Next week… What did Scott come into this life to learn? He’ll share with you…


Showing 16 comments
  • Jane

    Can’t wait for next week!!!!! AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

    • Sara Ruble

      Thanks Jane… I could never have known there was so much to learn on this journey…

    • Dede Rondeau

      Sara, I am all that you appear to be grief-wise and more. Your column has given me some glimmer of hope since 2 years ago I lost my loved one, and we don’t get over it . We get through it. Thank you so very much for your words of wisdom. I continue to look forward to hearing more of your motivational thoughts. THANK GOD for people like you. Dede

      • Sara Ruble

        I understand what you say and feel Dede… I’ve learned to be open to what helps me too…and to trust if others could find some peace of mind, that I could too. Thank you for your validating words… I’m glad you found my blog. xox

  • Daria Kathleen Sherman

    Thank you I so needed to read these words today. The deeper raw emotions I couldn’t feel a year 1/12 ago because I was in such shock over my son’s crossing, have emerged this past week, and your words bring tears of comfort.

    • Sara Ruble

      I’m so sorry Daria… Grief moves at a pace we cannot ever be prepared for. I’m grateful my words were helpful for you today…

  • Kathy

    I am very glad that I found you-last week as a matter of fact. I look forward to reading your thoughts and gaining insight from you. I lost my son and it has been a struggle to connect and feel at peace. Thank You

    • Sara Ruble

      I’m glad you found my blog too Kathy. Grief is so big and confusing… My hope is open up that confusion some and bring words to it…to help others like you. Thank you. xox

  • palma willms

    DearSara I’m not even sure how i found you but I gather that it is also divine intervention as i have just discovered Elisa Medhus ‘ book My Son and the Afterlife in Barnes & Noble in a most unusual way. I lost my son in Feb. of 2011 and have been reading anything I can get my hands on pertaining to where he is, Is he Happy, is he aware of how much we love and miss him and so on. Three days ago I was there for another book and picked one up that I wasn’t to sure of but was taking it anyway to continue my searching for some comfort and peace when all of a sudden it seemed like it was hit out of my hand. I bent down to pick it up when I saw the book which I knew instantly that I was meant to read. And now I have you also. I know this is whatI need at this particular time in my life of grief and look so forward to spending time with you. Thank you

    • Sara Ruble

      Oh my Pam… You already see so much by trusting the book you needed to find. I’m so certain of those who find my blog as well…they needed to. I’m so sorry about the loss of your son. I say loss in the way we know in our physical life… but we begin to see our loved ones find ways to show us they are ever so close. Thank you so much for sharing. xox

  • Susan

    Dearest Sara,
    I thank you from my heart for helping me realize I am on a continuous planned journey and ever so guided. I truly know my dad is with me ALWAYS in many ways and the love my dad and I have for one another is eternal and one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given.
    As I had shared with you months ago, I was so devasted, full of anger and sadness, frustrated and filled with negativity and great grief, but I have finally realized my dad never really left me, he only became closer to me. The lessons I continue to learn from his death and the experiences I continue to have because of his death, I can now embrace! I realize I can use all of these lessons, and experiences to become empowered and feel so blessed and so fortunate. Having this understanding and being able to embrace the jounrey, is an “angel moment” in my life.
    With Love and Light,

    • Sara Ruble

      Dear Susan,
      Thank you for sharing your new knowing with us… There is SO much that is new…after the death of a loved one. I learned to be open and to trust the timing and the lessons coming to me. Not easy to be patient when we are so in need… It is in their timing… and with love.

  • Betsy Foster

    Dear Sara,

    Thank you so much for sharing this. My Mandy died four years ago so I’m still new on this journey, but already I’ve come to understand that I have been and continue on a journey of learning, of discovery, of understanding in a new way, a way I could not have if not on this exact journey. I literally know things about life and death and love and motherhood that I could not have known any other way. I’m glad to find I’m not the only one. I’m working on writing Mandy’s story through my position as her mother, which is something she wanted me to do while she lived. That was impossible for me then and might be the same now, but I’m working on it. I so look forward to moving on with this blog… thank you so much for writing and for sharing…

    • Sara Ruble

      Thank you Betsy… I so agree that this is a journey of discovery and discovering…more about everything really. It is important and so helpful to put your words to paper…it can be worked on and changed as you see more…and it is your work…with Mandy too… Trust that… Life teaches us too… xox

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    • Sara Ruble

      I’m happy you’ve found our blog helpful. Thanks for writing… xox

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