Love.

Can the love be what we remember the most… as in forever?

It has come to this for me… twenty years of grief, love, work, love, pain…love…remembering Scott…love…hurting…love…healing…love….and it goes on and on…

The love I’ve discovered is the one part of grief and pain that never diminished for me… It grew.

Truly…it has grown into something ever so beautiful…meaningful…everlasting…magnificent

How is that possible when Scott…the love of my life…in ways that are so deep I cannot even explain it…left this earthly world…or so I thought…and yet did not…

And you know too…through our blog…that Scott never really left this earth place…or me

His spirit remained…or should I say…remains

How could that be…when it seemed he was so far away from me?

Because…that’s what I thought…it was my human knowing…which was ever so limited…

I knew so little about death or spirituality or Spirit or God.

Life as I knew it had been broken open… Shattered…

Death… Opened me up… Tore me open…and forced me to find MORE.

As I struggled for answers and truth and meaning… I never gave up… I couldn’t…I felt pushed…

With lots of hard, hard, hard work and new awareness…I discovered a new life filled…with Scott

Scott’s spirit…remained!

He was showing me… I took it all in… Trust, trust, trust…in more.

Scott Spirit

When Mom/Sara came into this world she never knew what life would bring her…

The mystery of life and death is just that…mystery…

But…in time..she learned of soul planning…plans made in Spirit before any of us are born. Plans made with unconditional love and a vast knowing of what each and every one of us needs in a particular lifetime. Plans that are forgotten as we enter this earth realm…

Did it help her to know there is that soul plan? The work and the learning and the growing that every one must do in their lifetime…

That I, as Scott, had a soul plan that included EVERYTHING I did and was needed in my lifetime of nineteen years? That my life was complete when I died…even though Mom/Sara could not grasp that for quite some time?

Trying to absorb this new awareness and taking in all that life brought her…my mom/Sara was able to begin building on a new foundation.

The old foundation, old ideas, were not bringing her the base she needed…the grounding…

You may feel this too.

She needed to feel grounded…even in the depths of grief. Seeking balance…

She embraced that which she could not always see through human eyes…

We have written about life plans and soul planning fairly often in our blogs… It is the way to see the bigger picture plan for life and death.

Nothing is random in the “bigger picture” spiritual world… It is as it needs to be…for so many important reasons…

Scott’s death, your child, your loved one’s death…all planned? That is a very hard concept…reality to take in…to your heart…

But when Mom learned… that I, as Scott, chose her/Sara to be my mom…that I needed her to be my my mother in this life…she was thrilled.

Can you relate to that?

That deepest love within her was validated…

“Scott chose me to be his mom.” It ignited something new within…

This knowing grounded Mom in ways she so desperately needed…and reaffirmed that nothing is random…

Can the love for your child or loved ones be the love that you need…to feel more grounded?

Is love the most consistent feeling you live with now…even when its wrapped in grief and pain?

Can you see the signs showing you THEIR love is still coming through somehow?

Is that what allows you to hang on… Even on the darkest of days?

What might your journey become that you cannot yet see? Is it possible that all you are going through…and learning from will be the tools you need for the soul journey you are on? Does that bring greater meaning to all you are suffering through and needing…and learning?

If it has meaning for you…can you begin to embrace the pain as your teacher in a new way?

And know your loved ones on the Other Side…Heaven…are by your side day and night…working with you?

You cannot change what has occurred…it was soul planned… Life and death work that way…

Sara/Mom learned this… Nothing was going to change my death…

But she had to change within it…

And she had to see that her grief and love for me could work together…

Every time an opportunity came to her…she weighed it… Is this going to help me, help others, show me more…open me up to something new or meaningful? Or not?

What she could not know then…is that I was right there…guiding her…

Your loved ones are with you too… It is the plan… The soul plan that keeps us connected. From birth to death…the connection is ongoing…whether you in the body can see it…

Death cannot end the unconditional love we have for one another… Grief cannot end this beautiful love… Greater awareness can show it to you…as you begin to understand the bigger picture…

You are spiritual beings in human bodies having spiritual experiences WITH us…every day. Sometimes WE show you more of this…and sometimes you need to work within…to find the balance of these two worlds that you exist in…

Good days, hard days…every day is teaching you more… Look for the meaning… Trust you are not alone… There is a plan… It will be revealed as it needs to be…

Be open…

Love is forever…

Trust love.
Sara and Scott
xox

Showing 12 comments
  • Grace
    Reply

    Today one year ago my only child was killed in an automobile accident and to read this today brings me comfort. I especially enjoyed the part about learning that he chose you to be his mother and I needed this today.

    • Sara Ruble
      Reply

      Yes Grace…for me that knowing of our children choosing us as their mother, father’s too…and needing to be with us in this lifetime changed the course of my grief. I hope we can continue to bring you helpful insights… xoxo

  • Christine Moncheck
    Reply

    Thank you, Sara and Scott for your blog – this is the first one I received in my email since I found your website online and signed up – Honestly, it could not have come at a better time. I too, am on this same journey, my grief very fresh but in this short time, has driven me to seek this bigger picture and this connection of love that can never be broken. We lost our son, Andrew, this summer. As a matter of fact, four months ago today was the car accident and he passed one week later on July 19th (just one month after his 18th birthday). Ive found the pain and grief is the price we pay for love. I am trying to grasp the whole soul planning thing – i have been like a sponge trying to soak up as much information and reading books and just trying to make sense of it all. It helps that I KNOW he is still around us in spirit, there is no doubt. I believe in him and there’s something bigger at play here. The hard part is missing his physical presense immensely. It’s not the same and it never will be again. I, as a mother, have to learn how to live with that and as a family too. I wasn’t done being his mom and that makes me mad, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it…that too makes me mad. It wasn’t my choice. I used to also get mad hearing people say God has a plan for us all – I didn’t want to hear that. I believe it to be true now. I don’t understand it, but I continue to lean into my faith and give it to God because I have no idea what else to do. As his mother, I have a long journey of healing to figure that out, as does our entire family. Please pray for us and wish us love and luck as we try to move forward!

    • Sara Ruble
      Reply

      Dear Christine… I know of Andrew…I live in Stow… My heart broke when I read of Andrew’s accident. The work you are already doing in knowing and trusting Andrew is still present is so important. He is. This life changing grief pushes us to seek answers and knowledge and hope… I’m glad you found our blog. Love to you… Sara

  • Sarah Treanor
    Reply

    This was so beautiful. I have such a hard time keeping up with people’s blogs but I am SO glad I read this one today. Just beautiful. That line… “Nothing was going to change my death… But she had to change within it…” went straight to my heart. It felt like Drew talking to me too. I’m making sure Claudia reads this one. She will love it. Thank you so much!

    • Sara Ruble
      Reply

      Dear, dear Sarah…I’m so glad that line resonated with you…and it was like Drew speaking to you… No doubt he was! This grief journey that has brought us together also provides me with your words…which I truly value. Grief is so unknown to us…and then we must live it day to day…and beyond. We learn we must share and live from our hearts… xoxo

  • Patricia
    Reply

    Well said and resonates with the journey I have had/am having since the death of my son, a brother-in-law, husband and sister with the span of 4 years.

    • Sara Ruble
      Reply

      You’ve experienced so much Patricia… I hope our words continue to resonate with you and help you with your grief. Somehow you will see this making more sense… Everything has meaning. I send you love, hope, and healing…

  • Bren Lewis
    Reply

    I just started reading what you’ve written. Where do I find all the blogs? I want to learn more. Thank you

    • Sara Ruble
      Reply

      Hi Bren. Thank you for asking. Below Scott’s photo on the blog page are all the archived blogs. We started writing in February, so click on February and you’ll see the first blog dated February 24. Just continue on from that point. It really is like a book on my grief and my many experiences with my son Scott…and our continuing relationship. It’s been a very hard journey…but ever so meaningful. I hope we can help you on yours. xox

  • Bren Lewis
    Reply

    My son was 14, Taylor. He is my soul mate.. Ive known that since the day he was born that he was very very special.. He loved me so intensely ..and I him. In truly knew what love is because of him. Our spirits communicated at one time, I have wondered why not now, it’s all in time, I see and understand that now, Sara, from what I’ve read here tonight. I know my son sent me here… Thank you, thank you….. Thank you …I want to learn more.

    • Sara Ruble
      Reply

      Again Bren… Thank you for expressing your knowing that Taylor sent you here. This is what I hope others can see too… That our children and loved ones communicate from a place of all knowing and unconditional love. All that is shown to us is their love and it comes in many forms…not always the big signs or dreams. I listen very closely to what others say to me and there are those beautiful moments that I know I am hearing Scott through them too. xox

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