Are You Ready for Some New Terminology?

Have you ever wondered what the words “passed away” mean?

It was maybe an easier way of saying “died” I felt…as I fumbled with telling someone Scott had died.

I never really used that terminology “passed away”, but I am not offended by it, or dislike it.  I feel that is anyone’s choice…of what seems right or best for them. 

And then I thought…what does “passed away” or “rest in peace” or any of those words really mean?

It is a personal choice to use them…and they become mainstream in time I guess. Even using the word ”lost” in “I lost my child” does not feel right to some.

We all find our way…because we have to. We use the terms that we can best tolerate I think…that best describe what happened to our loved ones…

We see the looks on the faces of those we share our stories with…kind of always waiting to see how they will react. Even at twenty-one years since Scott died, I see that. That I am still talking about my amazing son who died…who would be forty years old?  Yes. I still do…always will. I must.  

My journey took me into facilitating a grief group for years, creating a children’s memorial, doing spirituality workshops, co-authoring a book, and now presenting at conferences… 

A lot of public speaking and sharing…to a lot of different kinds of groups and individuals. 

I use the terms/words in discussing Scott’s death with the crowd I am in…that seem most appropriate. You may do that too…

There is of course, greater openness with those who are grieving…and then using the more mainstream terminology with those who are not.  It just happens.  I’m not shielding those who are not grieving from hearing those words that express my pain and missing Scott. Oh no… But I want them to listen to what I have to say…and so I am flexible in how I say it.

This last May 20, Scott’s death date, I laid in bed wondering what this day would bring.  Scott came to me and shared that he felt it was time to change the term “death date”…which I have always used…rather than some other ways that day is described.  

He said it was time to call the day Scott’s “leaving day”. 

I thought…Yes, that does make sense… 

Because I do know now…that is the day Scott left.  He left this earth…and returned to Spirit…with God.  Soul planned… His life was complete. Even though he had so much life to live, so much potential…in my eyes…

I share this now

Twenty-one years of my grief work and experiences…with so much to learn…have brought me this knowing:  Our lives are complete when we leave this earthly plane.

Scott assures me that his life and the plans he came here to fulfill and experience were complete. There was not meant to be another day.  

Every death…as unreal as it may seem…is soul planned.  

And because we are not given much information about death or WHY we have come to be in this human body, or with this family, for this period of days, months, years…we move through life day to day without all the facts of WHY we are here…or for how long.

We do not have to scrutinize death…until we do. We see death on the news, in the papers, on the internet, television…but it’s not until it is OUR love, do we really have to grasp the whole big reality of life and death.

Scott’s words…

Knowing I am on the Other Side/Heaven…I know you want to know more about death. I am here to do this with Mom/Sara…for your greater understanding, to unravel the confusion of death…to find meaning…and healing.

We shared about the terminology of grief today…and how the words that flow through conversations about death are often confusing when you are talking about the death of your beloved child, wife, husband, mother, father, sibling…and all.

They do not seem to fit always with your feelings, pain, missing… All of which is far too BIG to capture in a few reliable, familiar words…words that have always been used.  We’re talking about your love and his or her death… Death.  How can any words truly describe the depth of your emotions?

We (Spirit/Scott) are going to share some new ways to express “death” and more in the future… 

Today we share the term that I, as Scott, brought Mom on May 20…the day I “left” the earth…not on my terms…it never is… It is always after the completion of a completed life.  My death was sudden…natural causes, but we can assure you…suicide, illness, a shooting, an accident, drugs…every death comes as it was planned before we are born.  The life cycle for everyone on this earth is very well planned before coming into the body on the earth. Birth day…life’s experiences…leaving day.  

Such big concepts to take in…and yet can it bring you peace of mind…to know your loved one…knows this to be true?  Spiritually and soul planned…we all come to earth for the love and experiences, the pain and the experiences on earth.

We come here to grow and learn and become more than we were before our birth. There is such great meaning in every single day of life… Such great spiritual purpose that may not be seen through your eyes…yet.

Thus, I asked Mom to use the term…my “leaving day”. 

Scott “left” as I left my body to become One with Spirit /God… There is great spiritual purpose in every aspect of life and death…

We will bring more…

With greater insights…and the knowing you will grow too…

Try to hang in there with us…

We know each day is challenging…and maybe harder than the day before… But greater understanding and awareness can open you up to the answers you are seeking…

Trust in more…than you’ve ever known before…


Sara and Scott



Showing 12 comments
  • Maddy

    Beautiful. “Leaving Day” is totally perfect.

  • Scotty Miller

    I sure get it Sara. I held my son last year as he passed over. And I accept that it was his time to transition into pure spirit. Doesn’t make me happy but it just is. The missing never goes away but he also talks to me in my head frequently. I love that. And it’s real. To me. Tucker passed from cancer and I was privileged to be with him every day, almost every moment from the time he got the diagnosis. Our souls joined through the journey. I hate that he suffered but I’m grateful that we had those 3 months. To lose a child instantly, without notice would be so much harder, if that’s possible.
    But…I’m commenting because a wonderful Spiritual Medium, Geof Jowett, told me that our loved ones like to refer to that leaving date as their second birthday because it is for them a rebirth in spirit and it’s wonderful there. I can’t seem to explain that to those who haven’t (fortunately) “lost” someone “too soon”. But it’s these kinds of concepts that keep me going, keep me breathing.
    I’m glad I came across your blog. I find such a depth of humanness in the people who belong to our club. And I can’t explain it to those who don’t.

    • Sara Ruble

      Again, thank you for writing Scotty. I can only imagine how hard and yet how profound the time you spent with Tucker must have been. You know you have been changed forever by every moment. Geof opened you up to the new in seeing Tucker’s death as a rebirth. That was a beautiful gift for you and for your journey…into the deeper spiritual meaning of death…and life. I encourage you to keep searching for meaning to help you see the path more clearly… And the friendships will come too.
      I’m happy you are going back to the archived blogs to read more about my journey. Scott and I write to help others like you see “more” than you can now… xox

  • toni tranchits

    OMG the comfort i felt……thank you

    • Sara Ruble

      Oh… Your words fill my heart up Toni. This journey is so deep and hard and I know that. What we can share as fellow travelers…soul sisters…is that which allows us to breathe and take another step. Thank you for posting your feelings and bringing your important words to our blog. xox

  • Brenda

    I’m not sure anyone understands how hard the ‘wording’ is until you lose a child. My son (his name was Scott too) passed April 28, 2001 at age 24. I remember how crushing it was to see my sons name on his death certificate… those of us who have lost children know that its such a hard thing to comprehend. I was going through papers following his passing, ran across Scott’s (my son) birth certificate and realized how much his birth and death certificate looked alike. I decided that one was his birth certificate to this world and the other birth certificate to Heaven. I love reading your blog.. you put into words what so many of us go through. Wishing you many signs and hugs from your son and Heaven above!

    • Sara Ruble

      I’m so glad you’ve been reading our blog Brenda. You just brought up something I have not thought about…with the birth and death certificates. What a really helpful way to look at your Scott’s death certificate. When we can see a bigger picture of where our children/loved ones are, we are able to find those unique ways of helping ourselves. Thank you for sharing…we can learn so much from one another! xox

  • Lora Krum

    Always so difficult for me to imagine that my boys’ life work was completed at ages 15 and 14…but as you continue to encourage, I continue to do the best I can to “trust” what has, is and will happen. Thank you so much for sharing Scott, and your heart, Sara. Sending hugs to you as Scott’s “leaving day” anniversary approaches.

    • Sara Ruble

      I understand Laura… I fought this too. But in time, when nothing else made sense in the reality I was living…the soul planning began to bring me peace of mind. Life is uncharted as far as we know. We ask “why” in so many ways only to get to that place of…it happened. Life and death came together to change the course of all our lives. It truly is beyond our control… Opening up to new thinking and seeing what it shows us is the journey beyond. There is more…
      Thank you for remembering Scott’s “leaving” day. Love you for that. xoxo

  • Tammy Moore

    This is the day and year(6-25-15) my son, Andrew, left Earth. I always used that term. I stumbled on your blog and have been reading for 8 hours. I miss him so much, we were best of friends; he was 25 and had sepsis and we did not know. He had lung/heart defects but went to the Pulmonary dr on Monday and ER on Saturday. I felt something was more wrong but we both kept blowing it off because the dr said he was stable just like always. He apparently had pneumonia, which turned septic. I had no idea about sepsis. I didn’t even get to say bye. I am just so broken hearted and searching for what I am not sure. I have had a few signs, not as many as I would like but I am thankful for the ones I have received. I am learning so much reading Scott’s and your blog, thank you for sharing.

    • Sara Ruble

      I know there are no coincidences Tammy. You were meant to find our blog. We are all connected in ways we cannot know until…until we are connected!
      I’m so sorry about Andrew. Life, death, a sudden death, so much to look back on and know there wasn’t enough time for even a goodbye. Trust the signs you have received. Each one is designed by Andrew to bring you another piece to this mystery you are living. Write them down…they will always have meaning for you. I hope you will continue to read our blogs, because so much of what you feel I felt too. This journey has shown me the connection we have with our children is so strong, and because of that we will open our hearts and minds up to new thinking. The spiritual aspect to your new relationship may help you in ways you cannot see yet…trust more will come… xoxo

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